June 6, 2010 at 7:22 AM by Dr. Drang
Has this ever happened to you? You’re at a party and head into the kitchen for a snack. The room is filled with hot babes who surround you and…ask you about your cholesterol numbers. If it hasn’t, that’s probably because you haven’t reached middle age.
Cholesterol is slowly turning into a standard topic of conversation in my social group. The husbands are reaching the age where their doctors are telling them to alter their diets or take medication, and the wives are acting as enforcers. It’s common knowledge among this group that I’m using a statin drug (Simvastatin, which is the generic version of Zocor), so I often get asked about its effects and side effects.
Until recently, my cholesterol numbers were on a page in my daily planner, scribbled down while a nurse dictated them to me over the phone after my last test. This was not a very convenient place, so I typed them up in Simplenote. Now that they’re on my iPhone—and backed up on the web—I can whip out my numbers any time, anywhere. Impresses the hell out of the chicks.
Here’s the text of the guidelines.
Total Category < 200 Desirable 200 - 239 Borderline high ≥ 240 High Triglycerides Category < 150 Normal 150 - 199 Borderline high 200 - 499 High ≥ 500 Very high HDL Category ≥ 60 High; Optimal; helps to lower risk of heart disease < 40 in men and Low; considered < 50 in women a risk factor for heart disease LDL Category < 100 Optimal 100 - 129 Near optimal 130 - 159 Borderline high 160 - 189 High ≥ 190 Very high
It looks crappy in a monospaced font, but lines up pretty well in Helvetica on the iPhone.
As you see, it includes the guidelines for total cholesterol, triglycerides, HDL, and LDL. Nobody seems to care about VLDL; it’s the Zeppo Marx of cholesterol.
Feel free to copy this info and take it with you to your next party. You’ll be a big hit with the MILFs.